Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
