Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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