do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
