I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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