I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize