WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
