I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
