are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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