Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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