Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Brb crying the tears of my youth
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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