matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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