youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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