It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got inside last night via doggy door
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
