She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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