i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
