cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
soo... how was my night?
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