I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
