so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
