He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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