Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
