I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
