I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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