I am puke
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
