Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
