I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
