Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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