Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
