I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
