i just wanna soil my oats bro
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
