I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We got so high we made milksteak
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize