Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
