so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
