Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
