smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
