what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
