I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
