You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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