dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
