Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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