we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
