I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize