i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
