i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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