This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
