im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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