Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
