Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
