Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
