if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
