I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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