i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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