I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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