Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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