Just fell off a train. Bad.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
