Can i not drive my cunt home
i think my mom watched the whole time
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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