just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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