dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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