You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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