Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
