I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
