yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
