am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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