You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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