I could make wine with my vomit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
