You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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