Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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