Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
