and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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