I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
