Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
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