I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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