Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize