the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
