WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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