All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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