i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
