i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
