your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
