So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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