Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize