I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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