i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
