i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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