evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
