i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize