I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
