Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
