just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
