I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
