Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
