There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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