i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
