i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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