She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
