He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Welp...herpes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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