she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
