my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
