what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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