Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
