The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
