guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
