I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
