Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize