I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
