I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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