she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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